Mood- Somber, Anxious, Grieving
Baby difficulty level- Medium
Activities
- Laid on a blanket in the sun/shade in the backyard
- Checked news obsessively
- Bounced the baby for hours
- Ordered groceries through whole foods/prime now
In the morning we said Goodbye to Elle our post-partum doula/night nanny who has been with us since November. That was harder than I anticipated. She supported us in our most raw, most intimate moments, all the uncertainty and pain and exhaustion with a preemie and newborn. We would've been completely lost without her tender and patient care. We had expected her to keep working with us through March but the global pandemic had other ideas. This meant we no longer had night help with Emma, no more luxury of 6 straight hours of sleep, we were on our own.
Felt a lot of grief today. Feeling the walls start to close in. Emotional isolation becoming literal isolation. Feeling consumed with mommyhood, pulled back into the insular and fearful world i inhabited the months leading up to her birth. Worry, anxiety and what- if scenarios become main topics of conversation between Robert and I. How are we gonna get through this??
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